The Most Adventuresome Thing You’ve Done in the Past Year

Come tomorrow, I’ve sworn this topic will not be touched: the topic of her. You’ll see. It gets its own little story. Please don’t have me committed. But that’s tomorrow morning, this is tonight, and I feel it’s a great question.

First, what is adventurous? I think this a fair inquiry of the minds. I’m getting self published. Every time I think of it my teeth chatter. My heart feels like I’m going out on a date with Heidi Klum. For those unaware of her importance in my life, she was the reason for two weeks I always brought in the mail. One of those days, SI: Swimsuit Edition would be in that pile. If mom or dad beat us to the mailbox, the closest thing we had to smut was gone and we had to wait an entire year for the next issue. But we went to school, we had the advantage when we realized what the game was. We only lost twice in about five years. Heidi was the first woman I ever put up in my locker. I remember the photo as clearly as if I had it in front of me. She was skinnier then, but she’s still a gorgeous woman. I envy Seal.

Anyway, to me getting self published, writing this blog, having more and more people visit and follow is a complete and terrifying adventure. In my job I get to make irate customers happy. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes it feels like I had the worst date ever with Heidi. No kiss on that one. Other days, I speak with people who can fire us on the spot. They ask tough questions and I get to answer them with my whole year of experience in the industry. It’s like financial cliff diving. Where were the rocks?

Most of these events have happened in the past two months or so. The past year, I have so many adventures it’s hard to contain them. I can’t even publicly announce some of them because I would likely be assassinated. It’s not confidential, but there are people who would likely silence me. I bought an engagement ring. From the sound of it I had a strangely simple time. In about fifteen minutes I had seen the exact ring within my budget I wanted to get, which would be perfect for her. A more recent adventure: selling the ring for nearly the same price I bought it. Slightly more difficult, but I did it.

I went on dates to fancy restaurants I never dreamed of going to while dressed up nicely. I went dress shopping and failed horribly. Going dress shopping with a woman is like walking a minefield. The girlfriend or wife jokes about some physical feature they’ve come to terms with, and more than likely you actually find it attractive. So you think you’re in the clear, you make a comment, and the tears start. Don’t get me wrong, totally my bad. At that point, though,  it’s the worst night of their life… until they see the really shiny necklace you bought them and eat the really expensive food. Thought: if a happy wife is a happy life and money can make the wife happy, then money really does buy happiness.

I spent the ten most amazing days of my life with a woman I love greatly. We just wandered, went to eat, I nearly backed into someone because I forgot I was in reverse, I made tea nearly every night to make someone happy who was not happy at the time. You want adventure? Make an unhappy woman happy. Strangely, less of a minefield: I knew what I was getting into. I wrote archaic looking love letters to appease on a one year anniversary. Seriously, I’ll have to make some more and post pictures. They look incredible, wax seal and everything.

I went to Epcot and flew in a spaceship…simulator. There were still so many Gs I nearly blacked out. It was awesome. I couldn’t stop laughing when we got off. At the end of the night I went to an Irish pub and drank until I was trashed, watched fireworks, and went from nearly breaking down due to thoughts and emotions (magical break down as one rep called it) to dancing and giggling down the paths of Epcot. The waitresses at the pub were smirking and giggling at my antics. I don’t care they were laughing at me and I didn’t stand a chance, I made them laugh. Win.

Outside of the realm of feelings, I’ve randomly helped people. I think this is important, and made it out to be a bit of a quest system. There was a tree in the middle of the road where I had a sales call, so I stopped, pulled the branch out of the way in my nice clothes, hopped into my car, and drove off. In another case, there was a woman pushing a car. I got out of my car and helped her. This is adventure, right?

The woman asking has been to Latin America, does a run and back for nearly 40 miles (I’m still not sure what the heck that is, but I know I couldn’t do 40 miles in two days), it looks like she zip lined, among other things. I feel like a small child at the dinner table, the parents talking about some joke that I won’t understand for another decade. Even then, when I think I get the joke, it’s more I know enough to pretend I know. Most of my adventures in the past year I can’t even share with a possible date. You don’t talk about the ex, right? Even if for the past four days it’s all you can think about?

I just found it a difficult question to answer, though I guess the point of these is to weed out acceptable and unacceptable. While I’m only halfheartedly searching because I’ve already foolishly paid for the services of eHarmony, maybe it is the sign to just drop it, that I have no right to do this if I can’t fully and honestly answer questions that go back more than a month or less than two years.

Anyway, Saturday is one month of being single. Tomorrow is my oath to myself these posts come to a stop for at least a week. I do have a great line up to make sure I keep honest: Some sci fi pieces, a few pieces that would happen earlier in Kelst and Ayne (by a couple thousand years), perhaps throw up some of my rough draft with Melna, a nonfiction post on what is and isn’t appropriate to write about (or if you do or don’t want to burn the bridges), and who knows what else. But for now, time to turn off the emotions. Time to focus on the editing. If I do five pages a day, I can finish within my time frame. Here goes.

EDIT: At least I know I’m a horrible stalker. I was informed Heidi Klum is single. Game on.

One Comment on “The Most Adventuresome Thing You’ve Done in the Past Year

  1. Pingback: Done Online Dating | Paul Davis

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