I’m stressed. Whenever I write a lot I’m stressed. It’s a tell. I get jittery, everything seems out of place, everything is out of place on my desk, and I can’t focus on one task. I focus on everything all at once.
Tonight I’m storytelling Exalted. This will be fun, but it takes a lot of energy. I thought about skipping the gym after, but honestly, I really want to be at the gym. I won’t have anyone watching, as I’ll get there between 9-10pm. And I will drive myself into the ground. I will work myself until I ache everywhere. I will do cardio until my heart pounds in my ears, deafening me to reason. Deafening me to my inadequacies.
I’ll break upon the bench press. I’ll break upon the leg press. I’ll break upon the treadmill. I’ll break upon my bed. I look forward to it as right now I’m all levels of agitated and angry. It’ll be good. Because I’m about to break.