I sat at Culvers with my coworker and friend. We ate and spoke, but on the other side of our booth was a mother with her child. “Mom, I want coal for Christmas.”
“Is that so?” She chuckled a little, obviously surprised. Perhaps the child knew what he was getting already.
“Yep. Then I can make Frosty the Snowman. I need two pieces of coal for his eyes. And then a carrot. But we already have that.”
She laughed more. I was laughing. My friend was speaking, but I wasn’t listening. The mom said, “You listened to that song really well, sweetie, but you don’t want coal for Christmas.”
“Usually coal means you were a bad boy.”
“Oh. Maybe not coal. But can we get some coal?”
My face was red by now, holding back. The mom said, “When it snows, we’ll see.”
I looked at Joel, “I want a kid.”
“Well you can always get one, but you’ll spend time in jail.”
“No. Not like that. I need to put a child in someone.” There were three cute women in the area. “Like, any one of them. I mean, it’d be quick. They don’t need to stick around. I’ll raise him on my own. Maybe tomorrow.” I glowered and looked at my root beer. “I really want a kid.”
Anyone else baby crazy? Where you see an adorable child and you’re like, “Where’s someone to procreate with?!” Anyone want to make an awesome kid with me? Please. I didn’t think men were supposed to get baby crazy…. What makes you want kids or not want them?
...like butta' on your toast!
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