Creating magic on the page and in the world
Alright, with the end of February around the corner, I’m getting my publisher the information required on my book so that by next month, when March blows away in the arctic winds of wintery misery, all they need to do is deal with the manuscript. Everything else will be done. But I wanted some opinions from you all since many of you are published, read books, and just have a keen eye for the English language.
So here is the first thing I need to do and want to finish by today: Keynote. I have 25 words to pull in an audience. Let me know if you’d read this book or not:
In an Arabian Nights inspired high fantasy epic, travel to G’desh, a land of fire, faith, djinn and dervish.
OR
A high fantasy novel inspired by Arabia, enter G’desh, where a holy war triggered by a shadowy organization threatens to rip apart the entire land.
Also, any hints on keywords? I get to pick twelve. Any advice on these? I have the obvious fantasy, high fantasy, epic, epic fantasy, magic, and djinn. This part freaks me out. Any and all advice is welcome!
I will post more of what I’ve done for these stages as they progress! This will all be done at the end of the month, which is terrifying. Book size will be 6″x8″ and have a dust jacket (more than likely), as much as I love case bound.
Thanks,
Paul
Personally I am drawn to the second option there. As for keywords, I’m clueless right now lol. But I love the second because it pulled me in immediately.
Thanks! A friend of mine helped direct me towards that.
If you are taking votes, I prefer the second one.
That would be vote two. Thanks!
I prefer the second option, it definitely has more pull. The first is sort of bland. But get your grammar right. 🙂
“In an Arabian Nights-inspired, high-fantasy epic…” You’re using keywords, and I get that, but they’re also adjectival phrases, which is why I put in the hyphens. Now, if hyphens mess up the keyword situation, then leave them out. But at the very least, put your comma where it should be in option 1.
The second one should also start with “In” if it’s going to make sense, OR something like this:
“A high-fantasy novel inspired by Arabia, [book title] takes you to G’desh, a land torn apart by a holy war… ” something something that equals 25 words.
I would avoid using “shadowy organization” because it just doesn’t give the jitters it should. I don’t know what you could say instead, but that doesn’t really do it for me, personally.
I hope you find this helpful, and sorry that I don’t know other keywords you should use. Good luck! This is so exciting. I can’t wait to see the final product!! 🙂
Helps a lot. The advice has all been good. This is the part that sucks. I was debating the hyphens, but I do think that will mess up the search.
Yeah – my super-sensitive grammar brain was completely torn about mentioning them or not… I had to just bring them up. I couldn’t NOT mention them! (And I love saying “adjectival phrase.”)
Good luck with the rest of this process! I was thinking about if I had to write something like that (which I know I will someday), and it was terrifying! I don’t know how I’d do it!
The second is grammatically incorrect, as I think someone already pointed out. I prefer the first, but I would turn it around to read:
Travel to G’desh, a land of fire, faith, djinn and dervish, in an Arabian Nights inspired high fantasy epic.
This way it starts out with an action word, which makes the reader believe right off the start that it will be full action rather than full of novel.
I would also consider changing the word “an” to “this” as in “in this Arabian Nights…”
Thanks! Good thoughts. With the amount of words I have and the words I should be using, it’s been challenging with the grammar and the sentence.
I know how difficult it is to write an important sentence. I’ve spent hours struggling over a few myself.
Best of luck with it, my dear. 🙂
I vote for the re-written number one that gives the prospective reader an idea of what he/she is going to find in your novel. Say it out loud to discover its rhythm and ability to lure people.
I like it. You’re the first vote for number one, but I do agree that it gives a better idea of what you’re getting into.