I don’t become a jerk. I become a ruthless monster.

There is a writer’s group I belong to. In it, a woman keeps posting about her man on man (usually more like man on man monster) story ideas. They are each the same, aside from switch out man/goblin/werewolf. That’s it. I was patient. I started to move out of patient into I’ll cut you. Today I snapped. I told her the plots she has are on par with porn plots, that she should stop sharing the ideas since she doesn’t want to publish and they’re not good, and I finished it with I would write fan fictions of her stories where the men ended up with–wait for it–WOMEN! She loathes the idea of someone doing fan fiction based on her “writing.” I put it in quotes because what she’s doing is throwing out poorly construed masturbation material.

She called me rude, classy (I think this was sarcastic), and a jerk who should just ignore her. I did figure out how to block her, but not before saying she’s rude for posting so much drivel, accepting her comment that I’m class as a compliment, and driving her into the ground in the hopes she will never ever write again. Some days I’m a beacon of hope and patience. Other days I am a soul devouring monster.

It really helped me remember who I am. I am rarely a jerk. I don’t stop at emotionally kicking someone’s shins. In fact, if I’m trying to help you, that’s usually when I’m most perceived as a jerk. When I’m tired of you and I really truly am being a jerk, which either takes a lot or requires you to date me, I am a merciless foe who will crush you into the ground verbally and stand over your smoldering ashes, drinking the cup which I collected your tears in and urinating on the fire I used to immolate your soul in case there is the possibility you become a phoenix.

There is only one person I struggled to turn my wrath on. It’s not that sometimes I didn’t open up my wrath, but she was really good at making me the bad guy, and I loved her too much and my flaws were too severe to really lash out at her. Moral of the story? I am a monster. I will never love again because I’d rather consume souls than have mine broken down and gnawed on. I am not a jerk. I am a soul-render.

11 Comments on “I don’t become a jerk. I become a ruthless monster.

  1. Okay, this made me laugh out loud: urinating on the fire I used to immolate your soul in case there is the possibility you become a phoenix.
    Everyone has their limits. Don’t beat yourself up over it.

    • I’m relishing in it, Linda. Relishing. Also waiting for the tears to pass through. I like to be full circle when I put out the fire. Glad you laughed.

  2. I read my latest blog post so you know that I too snap when I reach a particular point. I think it’s normal, well I hope it is. I don’t think it warrants thinking you become a ruthless monster.

    • I’m not upset by this, actually. There are very few times I feel guilt over doing this. In most cases, it is someone who direly needs a reality check. I relish in it. Aside from those I’ve dated. Those I feel horrible about. It’s just really easy to go for the throat when you really know someone. And there was a student I snapped on and I still feel guilty about that. But otherwise, some people mark kills. I mark souls destroyed.

      • Ah ok. I am rethinking taking up your offer to email you when I need to vent. 😀 But I agree sometimes people just need a reality check, I am quite happy to give them one too.

  3. At least you have a writers group. The only local ones are either religious or have people in it who are completely unaccepting of different pieces. Not like what you described, but like if you don’t write regular stories blah blah.

    This is why I love your blog. You’re not afraid to open like this. Sounds like your group is interesting. What did the other members say?

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