I implore you to go to Google and type in “where”. That’s it. One word. A common word. Where is the remote? Where is my wife and best friend? Where is my dog? Where is my gun? Where. It is a question, a universal questions asked by billions every day.
Please regale me with what the first search is. Could it be “Where is Xur?” You must be wondering, “Paul, what dark corner of the internet will this take me!?” I have your answer good and faithful citizen of our galaxy!
Xur is from Destiny, a new video game I’ve devoted entirely too much of my time to. But who is Xur? Xur is a creepy little bastard from the Jovian planets, working for the nine, a group of war minds (super computers bent on combat). He comes to earth from Friday morning until Sunday morning selling us amazing gear. He is unwanted in the city, aside from by Guardians, and he can’t stand to be in the light very long. It hurts him. Only once has he mastered the pain long enough to stick around for more than that two days.
Xur is an epic black market dealer. And now you know. He is also the one question on most people’s lips who use the internet. Where are you, Xur? Seduce me with your candy. And radiant dance machines.